My 30 year phobia isn’t cured.

Not quite sure what to say about my NLP session. Many of my emotions are physically manifest in the same part of my body and I really would benefit from learning how to accurately identify which I’m actually feeling at any one time. Right now, that’s hard work, but I am still anxious and still responding badly to the prospect of going outside, although I think I don’t feel as bad when I am out. I’m going to expand on what I learned during the session though and I feel as though I may have a fighting chance against the phobia now.

Having said that, I benefitted a great deal from being introduced to NLP and the guy I saw was ubercool and, trust me, deserves only hugely positive vibes being sent his way. He was funny, let me touch his MacBook and likes some of the same music I do. The session was great fun and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The psychologist in me has been reawakened after many years of slumber by the possibilities of NLP.

Even before I went to the clinic, I had decided that the way I’ve been told to ‘cure’ my phobia over the last 20 years is simply never going to work with me. Facing up to a fear this huge every day of your life by yourself just causes more fear and stress and, let’s face it, the proof is in the pudding – despite trying that method all these years with different therapists, I’m still phobic. I never really felt that it would work. I never truly believed in it. I have never seen or heard of any agoraphobe who was cured by it.

Toxic. That’s the word that springs to mind when I think about the Condition Management programme I’ve been on supposedly to help me to get back to work. The guy I’ve been seeing is a well-meaning and perfectly decent guy, but he can’t help me by telling me that “it’s all about motivation, isn’t it” (perilously close to ‘you obviously don’t want to get better’, at which point I’m out of there) and saying that if I don’t do it (face the fear and go out) I’ll never get better. Threatening me, however obliquely, isn’t healthy. Feeling threatened isn’t healthy.

My 30 year phobia will be cured on the afternoon of 25th October 2006

So says the guy who is going to do it. With hypnosis and NLP. If he’s right, then I just don’t know what to think or feel. It would be the biggest thing that ever happened to me, and I’ve had a pretty eventful life.

I’ll let you know what happens.