I Love Lauren Luke!

No words…there are none. She’s just AWESOME.

Professor Amos Shock It Clean Ate My Shoes

I made an 8 hour journey recently with a bottle of Professor Amos Shock It Clean in my case, which I had bought for a friend. It was tightly closed, sealed with parcel tape, placed in a plastic bag, which was sealed with an elastic band and this is what it did to my sandals, on top of which it was lying.

I’m just glad that I didn’t have anything of value near it. It didn’t even leak badly. The plastic was slightly damp and still it managed to eat right through the soles of the shoes.

Necrotising Fasciitis of The Shoes

Guess The Mystery Object. It's my f**king shoe!

Get off the phone!!!!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/8015023.stm

If you are unemployed and living on £50.00 per week in welfare benefits, do you really need a contract mobile phone that costs £30.00 per month?????

I think not.

Pressplay Shopping TV sucks too!

I bought Professor Amos Shock It Clean Multipurpose Cleaner from these geezers and in addition to it taking almost a month to arrive -  this is what it looked like when it finally did:

It needs cleaned itself!

It’s icky and it’s ooky!

It really works! Here’s someone else’s dirt to prove it!

Even the gaddamned box was manky!

So, a full house of filthiness by Pressplay TV! Nice one.

Directlight.co.uk Sucks

They charge an outrageous £13.50 to post even the tiniest of lampshades to certain parts of the UK (most of Scotland, IOW) and don’t even offer free postage for orders over £99.00, which they do for English and Welsh customers.

I emailed them asking if they would consider offering me a reduction in the ridiculous postage charge because I don’t live away out in the boonies and the charge is excessive and unreasonable.

The guy replied thusly:

Hi

I am sorry you fill this way.
The reason we charge more for this is because the
courier company charges us more.

You may find this is roughly the same for any
website. 

Kind Regards
DirectLight Customer Service, Abi

To which I responded:

No, I do not find that this is the same for
other websites. Some are even worse
than you and many are better. I have ordered
the lamp from Castlegate and they
charged me only £4.99 for postage. Perhaps
it occurred to them to use Royal Mail
to post their shades.

I am sorry you "fill" the way you do. You just
lost at least one customer and
got yourself some bad publicity for the
sake of a few pounds.

He then replied again:

Hi

Castlegate charge £14.99.
http://www.castlegatelights.co.uk/delivery.html 

WELL, JUST CALL ME A FUCKING LIAR WHY DON’T YOU????? Has this guy been reading up on how to win friends, influence people and attract more customers to his business?

He forced me to point out to him that Castlegate do not charge £14.99 for the place I live in, which was rather MY ENTIRE POINT RIGHT FROM THE START! What an absolute moron!

All this penising about for the sake of a few pounds……

And he has the nerve to pull ME up for being a dork?

GO aWAY………………….

British Telecom Sucks badly

Oh god, they’re f*****g awful.

I’ve had 3 months of absolute Hell with them trying to get them to reflect the fact that I’ve left home and no longer pay the phone bill and want Mum, whose home it is, to take over the account. Can they do it? No.

But they CAN, and have, taken £17.50 per month out of my bank account, and £36.50 per month out of my bank account (for what I have no clue) and now, we’ve discovered that they’re also taking £36.50 per month from Mum’s bank account, despite the fact that they can’t figure out how to change the account to her name!!!!!!!

Since January I’ve phoned, Mum has phoned, I’ve emailed – we’ve spoken to dozens consummate assholes at BT customer services who either assure us it’s been done, (it hasn’t) assure us it can be done (it isn’t) assure us it can’t be done ( ), put us through to Sales, put us through to Billing, cut us off (twice)…I complained several times and the woman there told me to send my bank statements to prove they were robbing me…I did. Then I got an email saying “contrary to what Catriona told you to do, can you send us your bank statements…”……

The current state of play was that we were assured the account would be transferred to Mum on the 20th of this month – over a week from now.

SO WHY THE FUCK HAVE THEY BEEN TAKING £36.50 PER MONTH OUT OF HER BANK ACCOUNT?????? IN ADDITION TO TAKING £36.50 PER MONTH FROM MINE???

The bill should only be £16.50 per month.

My advice to anyone considering going with or returning to BT is

DON’T DO IT

Michelle Obama is …

AWESOME

Posties dropping red rubber bands will destroy the planet!

Littering postal workers targeted

I lived in temporary accommodation for a year and picked up all the rubber bands our postie dropped on the path. I have about 100. One path, one postie, one year…..and I definitely did not get them all. I was away from the house for 10 weeks and sometimes came home at night and so on….honestly, taking this to its logical conclusion, the planet will drop out of its orbit with the weight of all the red rubber bands one day!!!!!

Here they are in all their glory. There are about 100 here. How sad am I? Yeah, well, trust me, in a few years, this issue will be massive.

Rubber bands collected from one path in one year.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep…

Thanks to Jade Goody’s secondary school headmaster, who recited it at her funeral today, I now know the true author of this poem. It’s Mary Elizabeth Frye. http://www.bdb.co.za/shackle/articles/autumn_rain.htm

Autumn Rain

You may stand by my grave and weep.
But I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints upon the snow.
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain and
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am that swift uplifting rush,
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
You may stand by my grave and cry,
But I am not there,
In the soft cool earth I do not lie
For Christ has risen, And so have I.